Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts


Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.

Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.

Title:Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
Edition Language:English
ISBN:9781501129599
Format Type:

    Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts Reviews

  • Elyse Walters

    "Why Won't You Apologized", examines "The Many Faces of 'I'm Sorry". For two decades Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies. She's learned a few things ---witnessed tremendous powerful rewards fro...

  • Sheri

    We’ve all witnessed, or more likely experienced firsthand, the power of an apology. A sincere apology can repair damage done, while an insincere, or even absent apology, can cause further hurt that ...

  • Jaidee

    3.5 "an important conversation to begin" stars !! All of us have been hurt by strangers and loved ones alike. These hurts take up a disproportionate amount of our interior lives and are sometimes the ...

  • DeB MaRtEnS

    5 stars. Harriet Lerner's latest book is filled with points on apology: the bogus apology, the overlong apology, holding off on the use of BUT and IF which are dealbreakers, and when and how to give a...

  • Rose

    Quick review for a quick read. It took me around 4 or so hours to read through this thought-provoking psychological read on the dissection of apologies. Topics that Harriet Lerner approaches in this b...

  • Marina Sofia

    Sensible, clear and wise advice, with humour and honesty throughout. Just what I needed to read and think about. Many clear examples and suggested scripts. A balanced approach, without much of the qua...

  • Lisa

    This book deserves 5 solid stars, and I don’t give out 5 stars very often. This book is invaluable to anyone who has friends and/or family in their lives who lack luster in the apology department. I...

  • Su

    Reading this book was kind of a wake-up call for me. Before I read this book, I couldn't even recall how many times in my life that I said "sorry" to the other people that they couldn't accept. I got ...

  • Ashleigh Rose

    Go read this now. It will make you a better person. And then you'll give it to someone else to make them a better person....

  • Ghaida Moussa

    Super helpful and lots of examples! She mentions other cultures' views on apologies but then re-centres one view and I wish there was a bit more space left for the former. But still, worth reading! ...